As I was wrapping Christmas presents yesterday I thought of this blog and the fact that I had neglected it for the past month. But you know, there is a lot to do before Christmas, and blogging, quite honestly, had slipped my mind. I had too many other things to think about, like what size shot John needed the most and how much of it would fit in his stocking without pulling it off of the mantel. Of course the conclusion was to put the empty shells, for reloading, in the stocking and wrap the heavy shot to put under the tree.
I found perfect wrapping paper last Christmas, so I bought quite a bit of it. I hope I can find something similar when this runs out. Not everyone has gifts that look like they have been wrapped in a duck blind. Of course for variety, I also picked up some John Deere paper with Santa driving an antique tractor through the snow. If you also grabbed several rolls of these last year at your local Walmart, you know what that means, right? You are either a redneck, and proud of it - or married to one and know how much he will appreciate the true style beneath the tree.
Well, with the wrapping done I decided to share with you a few tips for a perfect redneck Christmas.
1. A Christmas tree is not complete without at least one John Deere Tractor and a couple of well placed deer ornaments.
2. Unless you can put a 4wd pickup under the tree, acceptable gifts include, ammunition (be sure to check the caliber), a new shotgun or rifle, a camouflage ice chest, a mounted jackalope trophy, duck calls, accessories for his boat or pickup, NASCAR tickets and cast iron cookware. (of course you will be the one to use this the most, but he'll appreciate his vittles bein' fixed in the right pan). If you decide to give clothing, you should look for heavy flannel shirts, long underwear and warm socks.
John Wayne, Clint Eastwood and Charles Bronson DVDs make great stocking stuffers. My hubby likes the hunting and fishing DVDs too, but make sure they are redneck made and not some city dude that decided to open a guide service for other city dudes.
You can never go wrong with a Cabella's or Bass Pro Shops gift card. Yes, I said gift card. Unless you absolutely know what he wants, he will appreciate being able to pick it himself. When it comes to hunting and fishing gear, what one man loves another loathes, so don't take any chances. Plus, the gift card gives him an excuse to go all the way to the city to shop, if you're lucky your nearest location is close to an outlet mall or new shopping center and you can ride along. Just don't ask him to shop with you. No worries - he will be perfectly happy to drop you off and you will have plenty of time while he browses the bargain cave in search of the perfect redneck treasure.
3. Don't get too fancy with Christmas dinner. Smoked pheasant, duck or other game birds are fine. You can't go wrong with ham or even a nice brisket. It's just the side dishes that kind of drive him crazy. Mashed taters with gravy, vegetable dishes with normal descriptions, like casserole or pickled work well. For dessert a pecan pie, from scratch is highly recommended.
4. He will probably go hunting if the geese are flying, so be ready to kiss him goodbye at sunrise. It's a great way to start the tradition of letting the kids get you out of bed at 4:00 a.m. on Christmas morning. They are happy because they have been laying awake for an hour anyway. He is happy because he gets to go hunting and YOU are happy because you have the rest of the morning without interruption to get things ready for Christmas dinner.
I hear my redneck man creeping down the stairs, so I am gonna run get breakfast for him before he heads out in the cold. I'm not even sure what season it is, but I'm sure some critter or other will be finding it's way to our table this week. I will share the rest of the redneck Christmas tips over the next three days. Don't forget to watch for our complete menu and photos from a redneck Christmas day.
Be Blessed,
Pamela
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